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Songs: What's So Bad About Being A Grown-Up?

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You know that you're getting old when you gargle with TCP for a cold, when you leave the light off when you leave the room, when you go to bed before midnight, when the Chancellor's speech gives you a bit of a fright. When you say that these days Christmas starts too soon. You know that you're getting older when the days draw in and the nights get colder - you won't be seeing sixteen again, but then again...
What's so bad about being a grown-up? I'll stand unashamed and i will own up to enjoying the sensation of seeing my name on the bills. I like the fact that i can moan about work, get excited about buying a brand new shirt and think that window based data processing is such a thrill. You know that you're getting old when most of your friends are going bald. You won't be seeing them with a quiff again, but then again...
I don't go out in the week with the boys, bad grammar in shop signs makes me annoyed, and i'm sure that 'A' levels aren't as hard as they used to be. I've spent too much time putting up shelves, i mistook our first team for the under-twelves, and the nice man that kids are told to talk to turns out to be me. You know that you're no longer young when a trip to Sainsbury's is your idea of fun and you're on first name terms with your GP, but be like me...
Because I'm perfectly happy to be a grown-up, drink camomile tea and give traffic cones up, and learn how to appreciate the orchestra. Get out the cords and out of spangly jeans, read The Independent not Just 17, and leave the being a teenager to those who are. People who say that they're young at heart are mutton dressed as lamb acting like stupid old farts. You may think that you can kid the kids, but the kids are having none of this. You think they're laughing with you but they're taking the piss, you old tart.

Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing

Here's what I wrote about this one just after I'd written it - note certain points made here cropped up in other songs later on!

Sometimes, when i pop into the cornershop for some milk on the way home, or when i pay my credit cards off, i get a sudden twinge of joy, and stand back and take a look at my life, thinking how great it is that here i am, all on my own and doing all right. I think more people should do that, for truly it is a thing of joy.
Other times though ... like, when i went to see Peterborough Utd last season, i saw some wee lads running up and down. "Oh look," i said, "it's the ball boys warming up."

"No, that's two of our best players."

Oh deary me ... so, this song is about marrying these two things up, about getting to grips of who and when you are, and learning to love it. It pisses me off to see people my age dressed like ten year olds and thinking this makes them dynamic and youthful. I mean, what was so great about being a teenager? When you're working for a living you can afford to BUY things and go out more, rather than scrimping together enough for a tin of beans between three. Jaysus! Get a Grip! Being a grown-up is brilliant! You get RESPECT in pubs, you get paid, people in shops don't suspect you of shoplifting, and nobody tells you off for swearing. I like it.

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