Songs: The Christmas Robot

notes / gigs / releases

Here comes the Christmas Robot
Crashing through the trees
Here comes the Christmas Robot
Shooting lazer beams
He is ever so festive
So silvery and tall
Will holly sprinkled on his guns
Which will destroy us all

Here comes the Christmas Robot
Destroying the town
Until the Christmas Robot
Hears a distant sound
He pauses in his mayhem
To listen to the roar
Then over the horizon sees
The Christmas Dinosaur

"Are you the Christmas Robot?"
The Dinosaur enquires
"Yes", says the Christmas Robot
Setting a house on fire
"In that case I've good news for you
I've brought a Christmas gift
Which I'll deliver to your face
It is a Christmas fist"

And so the Christmas Dinosaur
Launches her attack
Upon the Christmas Robot
Who swiftly battles back
The sparks that fly and explosions
Light up the Holy Night
Like a Fireworks Display
In which everyone dies

But then a Christmas orphan
Who has somehow survived
Uses a Christmas disco deck
And says, all amplified
"You have obliterated
Everyone I ever knew
But as it is Christmas
I forgive both of you"

And then the Christmas violence
Comes to a sudden end
"Hey", says the Christmas Robot
"Why don't we be friends?"
The Christmas Dinosuar agrees
And the two giants hug
Then eat the Christmas Orphan
In a great big Christmas pud

Here comes The Christmas Robot
Spreading Christmas joy
Here comes The Christmas Dinosaur
For all the girls and boys
They put aside their differences
For the sake of Christmas Day
To wish a merry Christmas
And wipe out the human race

Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing

I originally wrote this to be our Christmas Single for 2018, envisaging it as a charming children's song to last the ages, set within The Dinosaur Planet Universe. The Validators weren't that keen, which had the very positive effect of leading us to 'Last Christmas (in the EU)' but I still really liked it, so recorded it myself and submitted it for the Very Cherry Christmas album of 2018. They said "Yes please" so it all worked out delightfully in the end!