Songs: Kenny's Brother Alan's Stag Do

notes / gigs / releases

I've got a friend called Kenny
He's a really lovely chap
But his older brother Alan is
A bit of a prat
So when I heard he was engaged
I knew that I'd be asked
By Kenny, the Best Man, to help
Make up numbers for the stag
And so we met in Alan's local
Roughly half his mates, half Ken's
And agreed on beers and curry
On the same night as the Hens
And just as we were toasting
Our decision we were joined
By some bloke that Alan knew from work
Who shouted "Hello boys!"
He was the kind of total wanker
Who acts like he owns the pub
And never gets his round in and
His name was Nigel Grubbe

Kenny's Brother Alan's Stag Do
Kenny's Brother Alan's Stag
Kenny's Brother Alan's Stag Do
Kenny's Brother Alan's Stag Do

He asked what we were doing
So we told him of our plans
And he said "That's far too boring for
Al's last night as a free man!"
We said we'd got it sorted but
He laughed a red-faced laugh
And said "This'll never do Lads!
For Al it must be Prague!"
We'll drink until we're senseless
We'll party through the night!
Just leave it all to me lads
I can sort us out cheap flights!
I know the city well", he said
"I've even got a mate
Who runs a little hotel
This is going to be great!"
Next morning I'd forgotten
What we'd talked of in the pub
Until I got an email and
That came from Nigel Grubbe

Kenny's Brother Alan's Stag Do
Kenny's Brother Alan's Stag
Kenny's Brother Alan's Stag Do
Kenny's Brother Alan's Stag Do

He said he'd got great news for us
The Stag Do was arranged!
The hotel and the flight were booked
We leave in seven days
The price was very slightly more
Than he had estimated
But as we had all been so keen
He'd gone ahead and paid it
He would be very grateful if
We'd pay the full amount
By close of play this evening
Into Nigel's bank account
I did not want to go and it
Looked expensive to me
But apparently we'd voted
By a huge majority
I couldn't let the side down
And who knows, maybe it would
Turn out to be fun after all
Thanks to Nigel Grubbe

Kenny's Brother Alan's Stag Do
Kenny's Brother Alan's Stag
Kenny's Brother Alan's Stag Do
Kenny's Brother Alan's Stag Do

It was not fun
It was bloody awful
The flight took nineteen hours
We had to change in Warsaw
Our hotel turned out to be
A backpackers' hostel
Located five miles out of town
Next door to a brothel
We saw a lot of lovely bars
Which we did not go into
We spent half the night queuing
For an eighties retro disco
The other punters were all gits
The music was all shite
We paid seven Euros each
For a can of Red Stripe
When Nigel suggested a strip club
I said I'll just head back
Nigel went ballistic
And said I was ruining the Stag
And so he made us all sing "Stag"
Stag Stag Stag Stag
He made us all sing "Stag"
Stag Stag Stag Stag

Kenny's Brother Alan's Stag Do
Kenny's Brother Alan's Stag
Kenny's Brother Alan's Stag Do
Kenny's Brother Alan's Stag Do

It was only one month later
When we met at the reception
That the bride informed us Nigel
Had never even had an invitation
And she'd got her calculator out
While Alan was away
And worked out that we'd all put in
Much more than Nigel paid
And she'd spoken to all the stags and found
That all of us had been worried
That we'd seem like spoilsports if we'd said
We'd rather have a curry
Still, at least we stags had bonded
And the Best Man's speech was funny
And at least we'd only lost a weekend
And, well, a lot of money
And at least we hadn't gone along
With the whole country getting stuffed
By a lying greasy bastard
With a name like Nigel Grubbe

Kenny's Brother Alan's Stag Do
Kenny's Brother Alan's Stag
Kenny's Brother Alan's Stag Do
Kenny's Brother Alan's Stag Do

Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing



As you might have guessed, this is a CUNNING SATIRE of Brexit which, much like the process itself, seems to go on forever. AHA!

The Validators practiced this the time we had an acoustical practice in the pub in Derby and sent it to A Little Orchestra, who said that it sounded like "Blister In The Sun", which it sort of did. YEARS passed and I thought that the song would go out of date but, as above, Brexit KEPT ON GIVING and it was still just as relevant in 2022 when it came time to do the album.

The recording is pretty much my favourite on the whole album - the actual tune doesn't change AT ALL so I had to find ways to try and vary the sound, and I had a LOVELY time playing around with MIDI tracks, especially the piano (which came out sounding GRATE entirely accidentally) and the "horns". Goodness knows how I'm going to be able to do it live though!