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Songs: Buttering No Parsnips

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My dad sat in his favourite chair
When my mother fell through the roof
She fell asleep in the bath and she'd left all the taps
Fully on what a thing to do
They both sat there and argued
For over half an hour
When I came round they'd nearly drowned so I went and fetched a towel

I said you're buttering no parsnips!
You're not helping no-one
Get a bucket and mop, turn the stopcock off
And I'll put the kettle on!

Now my friend Kev's on the hard left
And he wants to smash the state
So imagine his glee when I told him we
Were off to demonstrate
He printed some newspapers
But by the time he'd got them done
The march had marched, we'd left the park, and the conservatives had won

I said you're buttering no parsnips
You're helping no-one chuck
Just change the date and they'll be great
Next time we're kettled up

You see complaining
Won't stop it raining
But being jolly
Might make someone share their brolly
Won't make the phone ring
But if you're mirthful
It might widen your social circle

If you think we live
In a dreadful dreary world
Why'd you want to go and make it
Any flipping worse?

It's buttering no parsnips
So why not have some fun?
Cheer up duck
It'll all be good
I'll put the kettle on!

Published by Wipe Out Music Publishing

Chester Champion explains his personal take on life - this was briefly a contender for "Total Hero Team", but sounded WEEDY after the MIGHT of "Cleverer Than You", so got dropped.

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