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Blog: Best. Mailout. EVER.

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The other day I sent out the latest issue of our newsletter and felt quite pleased with myself. I always put a bit of EFFORT into writing them, and thought it was quite good. However, yesterday i was SHAMED by a mass email recieved from the very very excellent LOVELY BROTHERS, promoting their gigs on Saturday in London (at which i shall be in ATTENDANCE) and in a couple of weeks in Brighton (which i shall be ROCKING). I reprint it below in all it's majestic glory:
1. Do you like THE LOVELY BROTHERS?
"Yes" - go to paragraph 2.
"No" - go to paragraph 3.

2. Do you want to see them play a gig?
"Yes, of course, they are my favourite band!" - go to paragraph 4.

3. Why are you on their mailing list then, you wally?
"I'm related to them" - go to paragraph 5.
"They got my address through illicit means" - go to paragraph 5.

4. Where do you live?
"London, that's where all the cool people live" - go to paragraph 6.
"Brighton, that's where all the cool people live" - go to paragraph 7.
"Somewhere else" - go to paragraph 9.

5. Sorry.

6. THE LOVELY BROTHERS are playing a gig in London this Saturday (Feb 4) at the Bull & Gate in Kentish Town. Do you want to know who else is playing?
"Go on then..." - go to paragraph 10.
"No I only care about The Lovely Brothers" - go to paragraph 14.

7. THE LOVELY BROTHERS are playing a gig in Brighton quite soon! It will take place at the Marlborough Theatre on Princes Street the Saturday after next (Feb 18). Do you want to know more?
"Please furnish me with more details" - go to paragraph 12.
"Do I have a choice?" - go to paragraph 12.

9. You will not be able to see THE LOVELY BROTHERS unless you get the train. Alternatively, why not arrange a gig for us in your shed?
"I can't be arsed" - go to paragraph 11.
"My shed is too small to house a neo-cabaret ironic punk band" - go to paragraph 13.
"A theatre company have already booked it for their stage version of Wurzel Gummidge" - go to paragraph 17.

10. MR G & RICH and some band called THE DUVETS. It costs £4. Do you think you'll come?
"Dare you question my devotion?" - go to paragraph 14.
"No" - go to paragraph 15.

11. Okay, but I'll remember that next time you come knocking on my shed door.
"What do I do know? You didn't ask me a question?" - go to paragraph 16.

12. Also on the bill is MC FASHION (An all-singing, all-dancing chav in need of Ritalin), and MJ HIBBETT (A protest singer for the geek generation). It costs
posted 2/2/2006 by MJ Hibbett

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