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Blog: Worst. Lyrics. Ever.

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I was in a shop just now, and they were playing an Ocean Colour Scene song. Yes, it was awful, but it did at least remind me of the Worst Lyric EVER, one that my BRANE had try to erase from memory, but which does at least serve as a SUMMARY of That Sort Of Thing. The words were from the song "Outside the Circle" (i looked it up) and are as follows:
The sunshine pours like wine
Through your window

ARGH! NGG!!! NO! In what POSSIBLE way does sunshine EVER flow? Like anything? And ESPECIALLY like wine? Does it glug, gently? Does a little bit come in first if you're in a posh-ish restaurant so you can try it before the whole SOLAR ENERGY comes in? Does it go round the room in steps, avoiding people with hands over their eyes? Does it run out? NO! It bloody DOESN'T! It is as unsimilar a simile as you can GET.

Now, there's plenty bad similes in the world, but what REALLY annoys me about this one in particular is it's LAZINESS and it's ARROGANCE. To start with, who CARES about the sun coming through the window? Is there any case in which the sunshine WOULDN'T? Yes, if it was a particularly dirty window, or if it was NIGHT, but neither of these are the case here. Does sunshine actually POUR? As discussed above, no it doesn't. What's happened here is that the writer of the song can't be ARSED to put in 2 seconds of thought, has got confused with RAIN, which DOES pour through things (although not usually like wine, unless it's coming down a faulty bit of guttering), and then SLAPPED on the laziest comparison possible. "Hmm, what sounds like a sophisticated, wise sort of thing to say it pours like? Yeah, Wine! That'll give the whole song an aura of SOPHISTICATION."

GAH! And then that's that and off it went to Chris Evans! NGG! It drives me KRAZY to hear things like this, i mean, COME ON! Put your BACK into it! Words are FREE, you can use whatever ones you like, why not use some that MEAN something or, failing that, make some kind of SENSE?!?

BAH! Someone should put a TAX on incorrect similes. THAT would sort them out. Yeah!

posted 10/6/2004 by MJ Hibbett

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