Blog: Top Secret Secret Revealed

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Yesterday I finished off a Christmas Song what I have been recording for the Joyzine Advent Calendar, and while doing the "mini-interview" bit I mentioned that there's a "top secret project" that I'm planning to do in 2025.

As I pressed "send" I MUSED on the fact that I seem to be FOREVER mentioning "top secret projects", usually on this here blog, and loads of them never actually happen. I was looking at some ANCIENT blog posts the other day for ANOTHER thing I'm thinking about - which is to retweet (or reSKEET I guess) some blogs on the 20th Anniversary of their publication - and they're FULL of me saying "Ooh there's a secret thing I can't tell you about" and in most cases I have NO idea what I'm on about. For instance, this one is probably one of the songs that ended up on Christmas Selection Box but I have NO idea which one. Also, why was I saying "I can't tell you about this" when I could have just not mentioned it at all. And why, more to the point, am I still doing it now?

So, with that in mind I thought I'd reveal one of the SECRET things that I have been alluding to for years in blogs, newsletters and pub conversations - DINOSAUR PLANET: THE NOVEL.

Our story begins seven years ago, in the distant era known as 2017, when I self-released a book called "Storm House". I had a lovely time, as it turned out that the process was very similar to self-releasing a record but you got to swank about saying "Oh yes my novel" which was LOTS of fun. Around this time I ALSO sent a copy of it to various LITERARY AGENTS, and one such got in touch very keen to REP it i.e. try and sell it to Actual Book Publishers.

This was all very exciting and led to about A MILLION re-writes so that it ended up being VERY different (and much better) than my original version, but then we had an Actual Year of trying to get somebody to buy it without much - or indeed ANY - success. It was all a bit disappointing, as LOADS of work had gone into it and I'd even written up outlines for a whole SERIES of books to follow!

Undeterred - all right, maybe a bit deterred but still - I decided to have a go at something else and thought "Hang on, Dinosaur Planet was a really good idea, why don't I write THAT as a kids' book?" This led to AT LEAST a year of writing, re-writing, re-re-writing and so on through I think SEVENTEEN drafts (and multiple Minor Revisions) pinging between me and My Agent until it was SUPER SHINY and wonderful. The main plot of the album and the live show remained but there were a whole BUNCH of brand new characters and BIG changes to most of the original cast to make it more like a children's novel. Again, all of these changes made the whole thing a LOT better, and now it's weird to think that some of my FAVOURITE bits (e.g. the new extended PC Darren ARC) weren't in the original.

That then went out to publishers and... nothing much happened. A couple of publishers said they liked it, but not really enough to BUY it, and after three waves of submissions it all came to a gradual halt. I think this time it was even MORE disappointing, as the book was DEAD GOOD and I had high hopes of going around the country promoting it in SONG.

I'd like to think that at least PART of the reason we couldn't get anyone to buy it was because I am Insufficiently Famous - whenever I go and look at the Children's Books section in the book shop it always CRAMMED with books "written" by famous people, and there don't seem to be ANY written by, say, someone who had a viral hit song about twenty years ago. It all reminded me of THIS rather excellent gag from the also excellent 2025 Beano Annual (which we'll be talking about in a future episode of The Funny Comics Fan Club):



I mean, OBVIOUSLY it might also be because publishers just didn't LIKE it, but I prefer this version!

I still have VAGUE hopes that it might get UNLEASHED upon the world one day. Next year I'm going to try and do a lot more STAND-UP and PUBLIC ENGAGEMENT about Doctor Doom and I know that there are some Public Intellectuals who have become sufficiently Public to be asked to write THEIR own children's books. If that happens I will be able to say "Here you go, already written one!" I've also got a PITCH out for a non-fiction book about Doctor Doom's daftest stories which isn't exactly setting the publishing world on FIRE at the moment, but hopefully will get a bit more interest when the Robert Downey Jr on-set images start coming out!

In the meantime "Dinosaur Planet: THE NOVEL" must remain in the vaults, but if anyone happens to bump into a Publishing Executive with an interest in space dinosaurs, giant robots, or the destruction of Peterborough, do send them my way!

posted 28/11/2024 by MJ Hibbett

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Comments:

Perhaps it's you, or your name at least? Have you considered going under a "nom-de-plume" (lit: "feather eater"?) in the way of J.K."Robert Galbraith" Rovers or Steven "Robert Bachman" Overdrive? Admittedly, they chose to hide their identity because they were overly famous, but there's no reason the reverse won't work! Just pick a close-enough-to-real name and off you go! Just as a starter, how about "Katier Perrier"? See you in the bestsellers list! Ps- If Clive Barker can release "The Books of Blood" how about "The .DOCs of DOOM" ;)
posted 28/11/2024 by Calumn

N. K. JIBBETT is a GO!
posted 28/11/2024 by would smell as sweet

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