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Blog: The Marvels

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On Monday night I went to see two entirely different films at the same time. One was a disappointing box office flop that heralded the end of a massive franchise, the other was one of the most successful films of the year and exciting and fun and PROPER. And guess what chums? THEY WERE THE SAME FILM!

For LO! I went with my Oldest Pal and Going To See Marvel Films Buddy Mr S Carter to see "The Marvels" and it was GRATE! There were a couple of bits that weren't quite as exciting as the other bits, but overall it was VERY FUNNY and full of GRATE characters and EXCITEMENT and STAKES and also just the right amount of links to other Marvel films that made those among us who are Massive Marvel Geeks (in this case 100% of us) very happy without bogging the whole thing down. Best of all it was less than two hours long i.e. THE CORRECT LENGTH FOR ALL FILMS. Also best of all, it had a musical bit, excellent CATS, and Iman Vellani being BRILLIANT throughout.

However, all of the press about the film has been massively negative, claiming that it is a FAILURE despite the fact that it remains one of the best selling movies of the year, with a MUCH bigger audience than other supposedly successful films like Napoleon or the latest film in the Martin Scorcese Gangsterverse. And as I say, it is also FAB film. So how can this apparent anomaly EXIST?

Call me KRAZY but I think there are TWO (2) factors at work here. The first one is possibly the worst i.e. a combination of SEXISM and RACISM. For some stupid reason there is a hardcore of superhero "fans" who HATE the idea that WOMEN can be in superhero movies or indeed that people of colour can be, as if these two audiences have not been part of comics ever since the start. THUS a film with THREE women in the lead roles, two being women of colour, and a director who is ALSO a woman of colour is enough to drive them NUTS, claiming all the while that OF COURSE their rabid dislike is nothing to do with any of this and what they're ACTUALLY complaining about is "diversity" being used to replace previous characters with the same name. For instance, the fact that Carol Danvers is called "Captain Marvel" is a terrible thing because Marvel ALREADY had a character called Captain Marvel, and the existence of another ENTIRELY MORE FAMOUS character at Fawcett with exactly that name for several decades before is neither here nor there.

The other factor is MASSIVE GENRE SNOBBERY from the type of people who have been saying "Audiences are beginning to tire of superhero films" ever since IRON MAN 2. To them the fact that "The Marvels" had a lower opening than other recent Marvel films is entirely due to this prophecy finally coming true and not because JUST FOR INSTANCE it came out right after the end of the Hollywood Strikes and so has not exactly had much time to be hyped up. NO, it is because THE PROLES are finally realising that they didn't actually like superhero movies after all and what they really want is yet another fifteen hour long gangster movie or a year-long epic about A FAMOUS WHITE MAN written and directed by another FAMOUS WHITE MAN.

Obviously I am BIASED in favour of Superhero Movies and want them to keep being successful so I can keep going to see them, but that doesn't mean I think they're all good - "Eternals" was a load of old rubbish, for instance, and "Black Adam" was an offence to THE ENTIRE HUMAN RACE, second only to "Sex Lives Of The Potato Men" in the list of Worst Films I Have Ever Seen At The Pictures - and it certainly doesn't mean they're the only type of film I ever want to see. Also, I am fully aware that Films I Like are not necessarily the same as Films Other People Like. However, the way this particular film has been reviewed and anti-hyped does seem to be particularly EGREGIOUS and an example of two unpleasant factors in our current cultural discourse coming together to AGREE with each other in a manner that Quite Frankly I do not like.

So I say unto you this, gentle friends: if you get a chance do go and see "The Marvels" as it is DEAD GOOD. And also, although you may have been SPOILED for the mid-credits scene, there is more super-geeky stuff to it than I had realised before going in, and they ALSO do one of the best mid-credits scenes EVER before the credits even begin. It is FAB and I recommend it to you!

posted 6/12/2023 by MJ Hibbett

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Black Adam "was mostly sort of ALL RIGHT... wasn't all terrible" -- MJ Hibbett, renowned film critic, in his eponymous blog, 22 November 2022. So, not an offence to the entire human race, then? Do have a quiet word with him.
posted 10/12/2023 by we can remember it for you wholesale

You have't seen Roy Chubby Brown's U.F.O., have you?
posted 11/12/2023 by listing worst films

two entirely different films at the same time? Boy, did you get Barbenheimer wrong.
posted 15/12/2023 by Nolan films are too much like hard work.

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