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Blog: Home From Hols

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HOLA one and all, you find me today TANNED and RESTED (VERY tanned and VERY rested) after an DELIGHTFUL week off in Majorca with The Islands Of My Balearics. We had an ACE time - weather was FAB and we therefore did a LOT of Traditional Sun Bathing, Traditional Swimming In The Sea and Traditional... er... drinking beer at lunchtime, eating biscuits and reading books.

The one and only thing I would seek to REVISE next time around is our flight time back - we went off on Monday lunchtime which was GRATE, as the plane was only two thirds full so we got a seat easily (we went Easyjet) and had a row of three to ourselves. We came home on Sunday morning - that's home from Palma Airport, on the last day of the weekend, flying back to Stansted Airport. There were A GREAT DEAL of Stag and Hen parties returning to ESSEX on that plane, and OH MY GOODNESS it was hard not to notice. Anyone who knows me will know I am ANYTHING BUT A SNOB (hem hem) but my dears, goodness me, some of those people were a little less than charming.

VERY CHARMING INDEED, however, was my one of my FAVOURITE occurrences the day before. We went for a bit of a LOAF around the pool for the early evening of our next day, just as most people were leaving for TEA. There were two young scottish kids in the pool, a brother and sister aged about 10 and 12 who were having a FINE OLD TIME of it with an inflatable ring. It was like watching an IDEALISED RECOLLECTION OF CHILDHOOD acted out as they laughed and giggled and messed around and unconsciously made US laugh at a) their antics b) the reminder of LIFE BEING ACE.

Meanwhile two full grown men were trying to do LENGTHS. The hotel pool where we stay is quite big as such things go but is STILL a splash pool, there for mucking around in, but they wanted to be SERIOUS - tho not as serious as a THIRD swimmer, who I watched with growing INCREDULITY as he stripped down to his trunks and then PUT ON A WETSUIT! A wetsuit! In a hotel swimming pool! When it'd been PROPER SUMMERTIME HOT all day long! He then put in PROFESSIONAL NOSE PLUGS and PROFESSIONAL GOGGLES and joined his friends in the pool for Serious Swimming.

It was MAGICAL. The three of them would gather at one end and have a Serious Discussion about Matters Arising From Serious Swimming (and, I think, cycling - there are LOADS of racing cyclists on Majorca these days and they looked like The Type) before setting off in UNISON to SCYTHE through the pool. When they all got back after two laps - in unison they would recommence their discussions. They spent about TEN MINUTES discussing how long the pool was (for their FITNESS SPREADSHEETS, i guess). "You should be able to tell by how many strokes you take" said one, and the others NODDED KNOWLEDGABLY before heading off again.

But all the time they were doing this, Ewan and Amy (i think), the Scottish kids, were still LARKING ABOUT. "WHOO!" they would shriek, as they pushed their inflatable off from the side, forcing the stern athletes to swim around them. "You paddle and I'll steer!" they would LARF at each other, as the swimmers mentally adjusted their lap times to account for the diversions caused. And my favourite - "I think I just jumped on that man!" just after the young boy HAD JUMPED ON ONE OF THEM as he sliced by through the water.

The whole time the swimmers COMPLETELY ignored the kids, not even smiling hello at them, too intent on their SERIOUS POOL USE. Me and The Water In My Pool lay there giggling away, trying to be inconspicuous, DELIGHTING at the PURE METAHOR being played out in front of us, illustrating exactly the aspects of childishness we should never lose sight of, whether in the correct use of an outdoor swimming pool on a gloriouslly warm early evening in summer, or indeed in life itself.

It was, like the whole week, BLOODY GRATE!

posted 23/5/2011 by MJ Hibbett

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There's undoubtedly a song in this - I suggest the title "Spying on Little Kids in the Swimming Pool Of Life"
posted 23/5/2011 by Frankie

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