Blog: Not My Day

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It's not my day! This morning i spent nearly an HOUR on the bloody tube, rather than the usual 23 minutes (of course i've timed it, what fool wouldn't?) EERILY 23 minutes is exactly the time it used to take me to walk to work in Leicester, EERIE huh?). First of all the doors BROKE, and the driver spent a merry 20 minutes telling us off ("Move AWAY from the doors. This train will NOT depart until you move AWAY from the doors. I can stay here all day, I've got marking to do" etc etc) inside a Dark Tunnel. When we got into the station we got kicked out, reluctantly, into a vast mob of people who thought the best way to speed up proceedings was to stand RAMMED up as close to the doors as they could so we couldn't escape FOR PITY'S SAKE. Then the announcer said "Do not get on the next train, it is full - the one after will be completely EMPTY".They repeated this LIE four (4) times, until i gave in and got back on. When i got in to work i was NERVOUS of the wide open spaces and the sudden movements of things.

Yes, the ROMANCE is over - i am now COMPLAINING about the Tube and therefore i officially LIVE in London. STRIKE A LIGHT GAVNOR etc etc. Should i start moaning about property prices yet, or would that be a bit much?

Anyway, THEN (yes gentle reader, there is MORE) i went for a lunchtime swim, only for the FIRE ALARM to go off. We struggled out of the pool, into tinfoil blankets, and then were ushered out. "Don't worry", said the young tykes in charge of us "We'll take you somewhere room - follow us!" and off we went, round to the other side of the University of London Union building. Passed all the people who had been insides. HUNDREDS of them.

I wouldn't have minded if it had been a bit further into the year, and my MANLY BODY had fitted a little bit more comfortably into the SKIMPY TINFOIL, or if 15,000 people had not said "Ho ho! Look at the wet nearly nude people! Are you cold?"

LAWKS. It ain't right i tell ee, is this any way to treat a poor country boy, cast into the big city?
posted 23/1/2003 by MJ Hibbett

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