Yesterday morning I was sat at my desk, DILGENTLY WORKING but also finding the time to occasionally look at the NEWS and SOCIALS. Early on I saw a tiny mention in a news blog that somebody had heard the KRAZY rumour that a general election was going to be called that day. This was treated as a source of HUMOUR, because of COURSE there wasn't going to be an election called today, that would be NUTS, but then as the morning went on more and more people started repeating it, everyone somewhat SURPRISED because the expectation has been that Sunak would wait as long as he possibly could in the hope that Something Would Turn Up to help him out. What we had all been doing wrong, of course, was thinking that he would behave in the way that someone with any sense would do, when the evidence of the past couple of years is that he is VERY BAD INDEED at Actual Politics, and so would be more likely to do something this DAFT. At least THIS time he's made a stupid decision that's likely to harm HIM rather than US tho - Thanks Rishi!
I got more and more excited about the prospect all day because I FLIPPING LOVE ELECTIONS. I like all the polls and the predictions and the general air of POSSIBLE MISHAP, and so I REALLY enjoyed Rishi Sunak's opening speech where he stood up and said "PLAN PLAN PLAN" while obviously having failed to plan for the fact that it was raining, and ALSO that someone might think "I'll turn up with a massive speaker and play 'Things Can Only Get Better' all the way through, that'll be funny." IT WAS.
I'm sure things will go wrong and my daydreams of seat calculations will turn out to be wildly incorrect, but for now I am just ENJOYING those daydreams. I've also booked the day off on July 5th so that I can STAY UP ALL NIGHT and hopefully catch a few Portillo Moments. The last time this happened (or at least something happened that I hope will be echoed this time) was obviously 1997, when myself and Mr S Wilkinson went round to Mr T Pattison's FLAT to watch the results. Tim lived above a KEBAB SHOP then, and when the Portillo Moment happened we were all jumping around and shouting so much that the men from the shop came running upstairs because they thought there was a FITE.
Sadly there will be no Kebab Shop Men for any of us this time, but I'm very much looking forward to communing with both of the above, and others, via modern technology. I've even started looking at flipping TWITTER again, so keen is my interest in All Of This. Best of all, when it starts to get BORING in a few weeks it'll be time for the EUROS to start, so we can enjoy entirely different DAYDREAMING and PLANNING. I am confidently looking forward to everything going precisely as I hope in both contests, and look forward to a glorious new dawn approaching where we don't have the Tories in charge and DO have Lovely Gareth Southgate looking on proudly as his team of Nice Young Men with the Euros.
