Blog: What I Learnt On My Holiday

• Hummus totally counts as a LIQUID as far as hand luggage goes, but the nice people at Gatwick security are prepared to let you go off and SCOFF it before going into the Departure Lounge. We didn't, but it was nice to know we had the option.
  
  
• Two people fit MUCH more comfortably on a row of three aeroplane seats than three do. Thanks, Mysterious "Emma" Who Missed Her Flight!
  
  
• Tenerife is REALLY HILLY. It makes Edinburgh look like Peterborough.
  
  
• Shopping for essentials when you know the only bus back to your hotel goes in 10 minutes is DEAD exciting, though you may end up with more SALAD and BEER than you probably need.
  
  
• A hotel reception with live entertainment suddenly becomes MAGICAL when most of the other guests (mostly in their mid-60s) get up and start ballroom dancing.
  
  
• Having a hotel breakfast every morning is BRILLIANT. Pancakes with strawberry yoghurt? YES PLEASE!
  
  
• The package holiday Welcome Meeting is a thing of DELIGHT. Our REP was like someone off a TELLY programme, very much giving the impression that a) she would rather be in Tunisia, where she'd been before here and b) she was the sort of person who would never visit a MacDonalds (but loved Primark).
  
  
• Tourist Information in Tenerife is not a very friendly place to be on a Saturday lunchtime. "Can't you just DRIVE?" we were asked when trying to book a bus trip. "All the travel companies are CLOSED!" ("YOU IDIOTS", she didn't say but STRONGLY suggested).
  
  
• Tenerife is keen on food labelling and also has at least THREE veggie restaurants. El Limon is Quite Nice for fast food but CRIKEY El Mana was AMAZING! If you happen to be just off the coast of AFRICA I highly recommend it! We also found another place by ACCIDENT near the Botanic Gardens (which were lovely, and made me sing the Language Of Flowers song in my HEAD all the way around) but didn't go in. REVIEWS!
  
  
• Tenerife is also DEAD CHEAP, has its own ALE breweries, and also its own LAGER, Dorrado, of which we drank a LOT. It also seems to have NO IDEA about measures of whisky - we asked for a couple of Jack Daniels at the bar in the hotel and were told there was only enough in the bottle for one. When we said it would be fine there turned out to be about a PINT of bourbon in there!
  
  
• If your phone BREAKS on the first day of your holiday it is actually QUITE NICE, especially if the main person you use it to ring is right next to you the entire time. Even when you haven't got it in your pocket, however, you still find yourself thinking "Is that my phone ringing?" approx every 10 seconds.
  
  
• There don't seem to have been many famous people who come FROM Tenerife, so if one VISITS then they tend to name things after them. They are MAD about an explorer/scientist called Alexander von Humboldt who was there for SIX DAYS, and Agatha Christie had a whole BIT in the Orchid Garden (REVIEW: really nice) because she'd been on holiday there once. I fully expect there to be an MJ Hibbett Bar Stool in our hotel next time we go!
  
  
• Cosmos Travel are not very good at giving locations for pick-ups for their bus excursions. On our last full day we spent AGES wandering between three possible points of pick-up (after having to go to a hotel the day before to check because the shop we were supposed to be outside had changed its name) and saw NO BUS. The Times In My Schedule rang them and they insisted it had BEEN, but who knows WHERE? Instead of that we HOPPED on a bus taking the LONG way round to Santa Cruz - VERY adventurous, we hadn't even RESEARCHED it beforehand, let along booked in advance - where we had a most pleasant STROLL around. Santa Cruz felt a bit deserted, has a Tourist Information point approx 10,000,000 times more helpful than in Puerto Cruz (a Nice Young Man drew us our own walking route!) and we found a VERY nice bar for more DORRADO. Dorrado! It's as fun to say as it is to drink!
  
  
• You tend to recognise other people on the same holiday package as you, see them around, and give them NAMES. My favourite of these were THE SISTERS, two SPECTACULARLY grumpy women (retired teachers according to me, retired local government administrators according to The Meetings In My Diary) who were ALSO like sitcom characters. They were sat behind us on the bus into town one morning when we saw a Burger King ahead. "Burger King!" said one. "Hmph!" replied the other. "The last three burgers I had were really disappointing." This, I feel, is possibly the MOST AMAZING THING anyone has EVER said! Did she count them? Was the one before much better? Why didn't she stop at two? It was like an Alan Bennett monologue in a single sentence!
  
  
• People in Tenerife love dogs and are VERY good at picking up the POO. It was noticeable. They also like to have PUBLIC ART everywhere you look. Perhaps the two are somehow linked?
  
  
• Black sand is a bit WEIRD as you expect it to make your feet dirty when you're Dipping Your Toes In. NEWSFLASH: it doesn't!